Is Your Ex a Goldfish? When ‘Forgetting’ Becomes a Divorce Power Move

If a TV show could be a hug, it would be Ted Lasso. And if you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend it—especially if you need a little positivity in your life. One of Ted’s most famous pieces of advice? “Be a goldfish.” Why? Because goldfish have a three-second memory—meaning they don’t dwell on mistakes or bad moments.

But what if your ex is also a goldfish—except instead of letting things go, they conveniently “forget” agreements, schedules, and anything that doesn’t serve them? Welcome to the world of dealing with a goldfish ex. They forget texts, legal orders, and conversations—but never forget to be difficult when it benefits them. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

The Goldfish Ex in Action

If you’re dealing with a Goldfish Ex, you may have heard things like:

🚩 “Oh, I don’t remember agreeing to switch weekends.” (Even though you have a text thread proving otherwise.)
🚩 “I never said I’d cover half of the daycare costs.” (But you both sat in mediation and agreed to it… in writing.)
🚩 “Wait, what? I was supposed to pick up the kids today?” (As if the same pickup schedule for the last six months suddenly vanished from their brain.)

It’s enough to make you question reality. But before you let frustration take over, let’s talk about how to handle a forgetful ex without losing your sanity.

1️⃣ Document EVERYTHING. Seriously, Everything.

Think of yourself as an evidence-gathering detective. Screenshots, emails, calendar invites—save them all. If you agree on something, get it in writing. And if they try to gaslight you later? You’ll have proof.

💡 Pro Tip: If verbal agreements keep turning into “I never said that,” follow up with a confirmation text or email: “Hey, just confirming that you’re picking up the kids Friday at 5 PM as we discussed.”
If they don’t correct you, they can’t claim they “never agreed.”

2️⃣ Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

A Goldfish Ex will test your limits. Don’t let their forgetfulness become your emergency.

✅ Repeat after me: “Their lack of planning is not my problem.” ✅ Don’t bail them out. If they “forget” something they were responsible for, let them feel the consequences. ✅ Limit unnecessary communication. Use co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents if direct contact leads to drama.

3️⃣ Stop Playing the Memory Game

Your Goldfish Ex is banking on the fact that you’ll get exhausted correcting them. Instead of arguing, redirect:

💬 “I actually sent that to you on Tuesday. I’ll forward it again.”
💬 “It’s in the custody agreement. Let me know if you need me to resend that section.”
💬 “I understand that you don’t remember, but I have the message saved. Let me know if you need a copy.”

No drama, just facts.

4️⃣ Create a “Forget-Proof” System

Since their memory is as reliable as a goldfish’s, take control of the information flow:

📅 Shared Calendar: Use Google Calendar or a co-parenting app so schedules are visible at all times. 📩 Email Over Texts: Emails are easier to track and less likely to be conveniently deleted. 📝 Parenting Plan Reminders: If you have a legal agreement, refer to it often. “I don’t remember” won’t hold up against a court document.

5️⃣ Accept That They Won’t Change (But You Can Change How You React)

At some point, you have to accept that your ex is who they are. They aren’t going to wake up one day and suddenly become organized, considerate, or cooperative. But you can change how you deal with them:

✔ Detach Emotionally: Don’t take the bait. Their memory loss is frustrating, but it’s not your job to fix them.
✔ Redirect Your Energy: Instead of wasting time proving they’re wrong, focus on solutions that protect your peace.
✔ Keep Your Expectations Low: Assume they’ll “forget” and have systems in place to protect yourself.

Final Thoughts: Outsmart the Goldfish

If you’re dealing with an ex who “forgets” everything but their own excuses, it’s frustrating—but it doesn’t have to control your life.

✔ Stay organized.
✔ Hold boundaries.
✔ Refuse to play their games.

You can’t train a goldfish to have a better memory, but you can protect your sanity and stay one step ahead. 😉

Have You Dealt with a Goldfish Ex?

What’s the most ridiculous thing your ex has ever “forgotten”? Share your stories in the comments! Let’s laugh (and cry) about it together. 💬🐠